February 2012
26 posts
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Life Updates
last week I was driving my coworkers and myself to a meeting in a zipcar and my iphone alert went off reminding me that gilt sale on hunters was going live. naturally, I merged four lanes over from the left lane to the shoulder, put my hazards on, and managed to get myself a pair of hunters on my iPhone. I regret nothing.
I wrote my first negative yelp! review because this diner I go to changed...
How All Great Lent Promises Are Made
in the past I have bargained with God promising things like giving up premarital intercourse and giving money to pediatric cancer research in exchange for a Maryland basketball wins. I’ve never been successful because God’s hatred of DC based sports team far exceeds the needs of the children with cancer (which is obviously the only conclusion one can draw from this).
until last...
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"just the tip"
a phrase that means seemingly nothing to high school boys and hair dressers everywhere. when I say I want a trim, that means you cut off the bare fucking minimum to rid me of my split ends and I go on my merry way and return in six months and you do the same. that does not mean you have carte blanche to cut off like, two full inches and give me “layers” to “angle” things....
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Occupy the Ice Maker
At work we have a fridge with a water/icemaker on it that allows me to properly hydrate for the 8 hours I’m sitting in direct computer sunlight. anyway, the ice machine allows you to pick between crushed ice and cubed ice and because I’m not a terrorist, I always pick cubed ice. I loathe crushed ice with every inch of my soul. it’s horrible and I don’t even like understand...
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Reasons not to go all Jehovah's witness on...
while color blocking is currently a “thing” it is certainly not a “thing” I can pull off (unless you count looking like Helen Keller dressed you as “pulling it off”). as pink and red are the two greatest colors in the history of the universe, tomorrow when I get to waltz into my place of employment in my red jeans and pink sweater, it’ll be okay because...
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after bitching about the my crazy co-worker who prints entire google searches to our IT lady, I was given my own personal printer in my office because I am a boss. said coworker has somehow figured out how to print to my printer (I’m sure she just paper jammed the other printer in the back by trying to print the same page seventeen times and then just clicked something and ended up at my...
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people love working with me
there are a lot of perks of working in an office that is populated mostly by women. strong female role models, someone always having a tampon, etc. BUT the worst part? whenever it is someone’s birthday, we always get like organic fruit tart or some other kind of cake that is more fruit than cake. I don’t know what home girl has to do to get a god damn sheet cake from Safeway. and...
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I have been at work for 42 minutes now, and about 37 minutes of those minutes have been me pondering which color my tom’s ballet flats should be.
there’s the tacky part of me that wants leopard print, there’s the still tacky but not as tacky part of me that wants the hot pink ones, and then there’s the practical part of me that says if you’re going to spend $80 on...
January 2012
13 posts
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so I just started watching the bachelor this season because the internet told me and I, too, like to spend most of my Monday nights wondering how there are enough people in the world that lack self-awareness for there to be twenty plus seasons of this show. since I like to know what I’m getting myself emotionally invested in, I decided to read spoilers to see who won. all I have to say is:
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party in the city where the heat is on
Leaving for Miami in a few short hours! I am a notorious over packer yet I somehow simultaneously under pack wherever I go. like, no I’m sorry there isn’t a jacket in this huge weekend duffel I brought for an overnight trip that is filled to the brim, but don’t worry, there are seven tanktops is there! So I’m trying to make day-to-night looks, like every glossy magazine...
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Sorry for 2011
Fell asleep with fake eyelashes on last night. My first sober thought of 2012 was that God was punishing me with blindness for all the Hellen Keller jokes I had made in 2011 (Q: What’s Hellen Keller’s favorite color? A: corduroy). In a post NYE booze and sequin/glitter haze, I had fallen asleep with a full face of makeup/fake eyelashes on and my eyelids were glued shut, thanks to my...
December 2011
32 posts
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Books I Liked A lot
Here is a non-comprehensive book list of books I enjoyed this year with download links for kindle copies of the books. If you have a nook or whatever, you can convert mobi files to whatever it is you crazy kids use in calibre - which is a free online book organizer (kind of like itunes for your e-book) that I love. or if you want, you can send me a message with whatever book you want and your...
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bad boy for life
I went on a date last night. It was horrible. I forgot all about it until like 2pm when my boss reminded me (because you know, she set me up). Anyway, I was wearing leggings as pants, an over sized sweater, boots, and my hair that was medusa-like given the amount of fucks that I had given that morning (first day back from christmas break, okay) and the rain (can we talk about how it’s almost...
On Professionalism
I usually try to get to work as early as possible because then I can leave as early as possible. no one really gets here until 9:30 anyway which basically means I get a paid hour of fuckery (which is totally different from the other 7 hours where I have to hide my fuckery with tabs and jazz). except now that I told my office mate my genius plan, he has started coming in at 8:30 too totally ruining...
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